I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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