apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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