just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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