we're chasing vodka with high fives
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
