He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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