never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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