I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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