All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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