She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
