pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im holly from the hills drunk
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
