Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
