oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
