Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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