I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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