You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
