u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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