My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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