tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
People in love make me want to vomit
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize