I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
