first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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