Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
