Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
