saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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