I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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