let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize