Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize