but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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