Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have tasted many bathrooms
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
