we made out on top of his cat.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
