I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
