haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this just has baby written all over it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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