you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
