Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
