That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
