like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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