youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
kristin has been a bad kristin
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
