You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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