You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
