She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
