Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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