My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
