he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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