Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
