He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
