I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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