LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
