dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize