help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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