Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
