The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
