my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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