yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
