I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
