genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
