So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
