I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
