So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
