his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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