so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
