for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I understand Curling. That high.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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