FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
