and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
