Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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