I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
