I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
