when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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