she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
