I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
