he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
