Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
