You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
