There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
