Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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