ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
