know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
