did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
