ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
