This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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