I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
