hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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