Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
