and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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