so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
