I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
