My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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