I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize