doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
