I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize