My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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