dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
