Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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