considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
