I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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