Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
