Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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