I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
