on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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