Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
