ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
