I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My cat gives me a boner
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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