I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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