It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't turn off my feet"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
