You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
