maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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