I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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