My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
