So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
