doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
