I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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